Find out more about anger and why you might feel this way...
Anger is an emotion that everyone feels. It’s normal to feel angry from time to time and this can happen because of something that’s happened or the way we have been treated.
Sometimes feeling angry is a good thing. It can help to keep us safe, work out when something is not good for us or help us to change and grow. It can become a problem when it makes you or others around you feel bad or unsafe.
When we think of people being angry, we think of them shouting or throwing things; but anger doesn’t always look like this.
Sometimes if you’re feeling angry you might decide to do things that you normally wouldn’t. This could be being rude or unkind to people, spending time with people that may get you in to trouble or giving up things that you used to enjoy.
You might not know why you feel angry, it could be because of stress, a loss of control or something else that has happened in your past.
Understanding what your anger feels like can help you with managing it. Do any of the responses below happen to you when you might be angry?
Feeling some anger in response to a difficult or annoying situation is normal, but there are times where anger can become more of a problem and you may need some support to manage it.
Tick the boxes if any of the following apply to you:
Find out how others manage their anger and how you can help yourself.
If one or more of these applies to you it doesn’t necessarily mean you have an “anger problem,” but have a look through our self-prescription below to see if this could help.
"It all started when my parents told me and my sister they were separating. My dad moved out and I started only seeing him on the weekends. I felt confused and angry and started getting in to trouble at school. When I came home I would shut myself in my room, I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
I used to go to the skate park all the time, but I stopped going out as much and told my dad I didn’t want to see him anymore. That just ended up making me feel worse. I’d shout at my mum and sister and hit walls during arguments. I felt like no one cared about me.
A friend messaged me who’s parents had also got divorced, he told me a bit about how angry and sad he had felt. I knew how hard it must have been for him to open up and knowing someone else had felt the same already made me feel a bit better.
I still don’t feel totally better and I feel ashamed about how I behaved towards my mum and sister but I’m starting to learn about how I can make it up to them and that helps." – Sam, 14
We have put together a few useful resources on how to improve how you're feeling.
Sometimes it can be hard to work out what is making you angry. Try and keep a record (you can do this on your phone or on paper) of the times you have felt angry. Record the following:
Knowing more about this will help you know which situations make you angry so that you can learn how to approach them or avoid them.
Think of a situation that has made you angry in the past. Use the temperature gauge to work out what was going on for you at each stage.
Is there a stage where you could have calmed down and responded in a different way? Where is it on the temperature and what were you thinking and feeling?
Once you know more about the things that cause your anger and you found the stage where you might have been able to do things differently, you can start to think about what your other choices are.
When faced with your next angry situation you could:
What do you enjoy doing and what do you do to relax? These activities could be something you do at any time or when you start to notice yourself feeling angry. For example-
It’s good to talk but telling others that you’re struggling with anger can be a hard conversation to start.
Start by choosing someone you trust and starting the conversation in a place where you are comfortable and both have time to talk.
You could start by saying something like:
“I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling angry lately and I think I might need some help with it.”
“How I’m feeling is really bothering me, can we chat about it?”
“Have you ever found it hard to control your anger? It’s something I’m struggling with at the moment.”
Talking to your GP can also help and they can point you in the direction fo professional support f that could help